


A Silent Vow

by DeepwoodSprite



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Abandonment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-13 19:55:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13577841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepwoodSprite/pseuds/DeepwoodSprite
Summary: After the events at the Exalted Council, Reyala Lavellan returns to Skyhold and struggles with the truth she has learned about Solas. She must come to terms with her place in the resulting chaos, and confront her own lack of power.





	A Silent Vow

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place after the ending of the Trespasser DLC and contains spoilers.

    After the Exalted Council was finished Reyala Lavellan returned to Skyhall. She had no other place to go now, after learning what she had about the ancient elves, returning to her clan would never be an option. She had no home, nowhere to go other than Skyhold. It was different ever since her friends left. She wanted to leave, staying there only hurt now, but she had vowed to keep the inquisition together. She would never give up, no matter the cost.

    Reyala was lucky enough to still have Cassandra and Cullen with her, they had promised to stay with the inquisition, but as she walked by the pub she was struck by the quietness within without Bull’s rowdy laughter and the rest of the Chargers. She was more grateful than ever with her decision to save the Chargers now. If Bull had stayed with the Qun she knew without a doubt he would have killed her, if ordered to by the Qunari invaders. She shakes her head and looks up at the nooked window, missing Sera’s childish pranks and constant jokes. There were so many others she missed just as much, but she cut her thoughts off before she got too deep. It wouldn’t do well for her to break down out in the open. She wouldn’t do it again, she tells herself sternly. A flash of Cole’s face staring worriedly down at her appears in her mind, but she drives the memory away and walks up the stairs into the great hall.

    Her feet start to move on their own, instinctively leading her to his room even after all these years. She stops short as she enters, staring around at the extravagant murals. She hated this room. So many accomplishments, so much experience. More memories than she could count, all plastered on the wall. And all the lies, the things unsaid. She grits her teeth and walks angrily out, cursing her body for bringing her there. She ignores the concerned gazes that follow her as she storms across the hall, hurriedly climbing the stairs to her room.

    She slams the door and leans dejectedly against it, breathing heavily. Hoping if she leaned against the door hard enough it would seal out all the emotions finally barreling down on her. Ever since Bull and Varric helped her with her arm she didn’t allow herself to feel anything. Shut everything down and trudged through the days and weeks it took to get back here. Her _arm_. She clenches her hand instinctively, disturbed when nothing reacts. She feels her arm twitch, muscles moving, but no reaction. Nothing. Because nothing was there.

    The wood of the door digs into her shoulders and her vision begins to tunnel, for a moment she’s back in the eluvian, with him, screaming as the mark consumes her. She pushes off the door and stumbles across the room to her balcony, needing air. Outside the sun shone from behind the mountains and it reminds her of another time, before Corypheus was defeated, when she was blissfully unaware and naïve.

    “The mark never truly left me Solas.” She narrows her eyes, “ _Your_ mark never left me.” She looks down at where her hand used to be, her heart clenching.

    “It still hurts. It’s not even there… You’re not there.. And it still hurts.” She looks back up into the sky, eyes pricking with unshed emotion. “You gave me this, and then you took everything.” A tear escapes down her cheek and she swipes at it angrily. “Except for me.” She laughs now, a hollow, aching sound.

    “May the dread wolf take you? He did not. He took everything else.” She hated crying, feeling weak and helpless. She wanted to scream, to shout into the wind and force him to return to her with her words.

    “I can’t even move on! My heart belongs to you and you took it from me, I will never have it back!” She chokes on the words and shakes her head, unable to continue.

    She couldn't even hate him, as much as she wanted to. It would make things easier. But she loved him with everything she was, and she understood him more than he would admit. He insisted on being the bad guy, but they both knew he wasn’t. He was lost and afraid and being misled by a hope of restoring something that was already gone. She could have helped him, made him see this world as the good it is. Shown him it didn’t have to be destroyed to restore what was lost.

    She slumps over on the railing, exhausted from years of confusion and regret. He visited her in her dreams, she knew the wolf was him, but he never came to her. Never responded to her cries or screams. Only stood there sadly, watching over her from a distance.

    She had to stop him, make him see. But what good was she with one arm? She could no longer hold her daggers. She’d been training with Cassandra to try to adapt, but she was clumsy and slow. She would never fight as she had again. The world would move on, without her. She was now a useless figure head. Unable to do anything to help the world she had saved. The thought of being so helpless filled her with dread. For a time, she had been praised as one of the most powerful women in Thedas, but now she was nothing.

 

* * *

 

    Just as the dread seemed about to consume her, someone knocked at her door, “Inquisitor?” came a kind voice, almost hesitantly. Reyala cleared her throat and scrubbed at her face in an attempt to pull her emotions back together. She walked across the room on unsteady legs and opened the door.

    “Cullen.” She acknowledges him calmly, noticing the worry in his eyes, “Is there something you need?”

    “Well, not exactly. Some people saw..” he hesitates, but she knows what he was about to say, she was seen running across the hall from Solas’s room. He clears his throat, “I was hoping I could speak to you.”

    Reyala nods and opens the door wider for him, moving towards the couch to sit. She did her best to let her feelings float away again, offering a smile to Cullen as he joined her. He didn’t seem to notice.

    “Inquisitor,” He began, but hesitated again. He always called her by her title, one she had rightfully earned, but in this situation it did not seem right to him. “You have been there for me in one of my darkest times Lavellan, and for that I owe you a great deal."

    She begins to interject, to protest, but he shakes his head, “Not everyone in your position would have done what you did, you took a great risk and put your trust in me. You’ve gained my, and the entire inquisition’s respect.” He pauses, considering his words.

    “But, you have been through a great deal. No one would blame you if you took a break. You need time to recover, after the events at the Winter Palace.”

    Reyala shakes her head, “No. We don’t have time, we have to be ready for anything. With the Qunari invading with a new weapon, and the situation with Solas,” She suppresses the pang in her chest that comes with saying his name, “We need to prepare.” She insists.

    He notices her reaction to mentioning Solas with a sad look in his eyes. He nods, “I agree, and we will. Cassandra and I can prepare while you rest. We’ll have it under control.”

    Reyala shakes her head again, harder. Leading the inquisition was the one thing she still had power over, the only thing she had left. “I can’t.” She implores, panic seeping into her voice.

    Cullen's face fills with concern, and he wars with himself for a moment before pulling her into a hug, abandoning formalities. “It’s going to be okay Lavellan. I know you’re scared, we all are.”

    Reyala freezes, taken aback. Even though they’d been friends for years now, he’d never hugged her before.

    Cullen pulls back, sensing her unease. “I apologize, I just..”

    She shakes her head, “It’s alright.” She takes a steadying breath, “Thank you.”

    He nods, “I’ve been where you are, and I know how terrifying it is to feel helpless. Like all of your strength has been stripped away.” He pauses, remembering his lyrium withdrawls, “But you can do this. Give yourself time, you are still as strong as you have ever been.”

    She laughs at this, moving her stump of an arm at him, “I have one arm.” She says bitterly.

    “And Bull has one eye.” He agrees, “That doesn’t make him any less of a fighter.”

    “It’s not the same.”

    “We learn to adapt, to overcome.” He places his hand on her shoulder and squeezes it lightly, “I know you can do this. You will always be Inquisitor.”

    She nods slowly. She still had friends, people who cared about and believed in her. She could do this. “Okay, I’ll take some time to rest.” She smiles lightly, “But you better have everything under control. I don’t want anybody running up here in a panic because Skyhold’s on fire.”

    Cullen laughs lightly and squeezes her shoulder once more before standing up. “if you need anything, we’re here for you.”

    She nods again and Cullen leaves, closing the door behind him. She could do this. She would train harder; learn a new way to fight. She would adapt. In reaction to her thoughts she looks back out at the dimming sky beyond her balcony.

    “I will find you again Solas.” She vows, “And I will make you see the truth.”

**Author's Note:**

> I felt a lot of conflicting emotions at the end of Solas's romance, and wanted to explore what the inquisitor might be thinking and feeling after he left a second time. I tired to stay as close to character as I could, and I apologize if anything sounded OOC. Any feedback is greatly appreciated!  
> I know this one was a bit longer so thank you so much for reading to the end loves <3


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